Thursday 19 August 2010

Marilyn Monroe

The other week it was really sunny so I decided to put on my flowery skirt with my white kitten heels and go outside. Now this skirt is one of those skirts that if theres even a little breeze it blows up in your face, so before I got changed I made sure there was not one drop of wind outside.

So heres me outside just closed the door behind me and im walking down the street looking in every shop window to make sure my skirt isnt tucked into my knickers or something like that, im walking along enjoying the sunshine and i go into Tesco just along the road from the flat and BAM! skirt is up in face right in the doorway of Tesco. I forgot there is always a fan by the door. Luckily i don't think that many people saw, apart from the people standing in the queue to pay, the people standing at the traffic lights oh and the people in their cars waiting at the traffic lights.

I felt like i had rein acted Marilyn Monroe when she stands on the air vent, but i didnt look quite as glamorous.

Needless to say I did my shopping quickly and power walked back to the flat, and it was just my luck that two neds came up to me, one on his little push bike that he probably nicked from a five year old and the other hung back while his friend spoke to me.

"Arite darling your looking gorgeous today, not that you dont look gorgeous everyday"

"Haha thanks" Im looking for my keys in my bag at this point and just as i was away to put the key in the door i dropped the keys, and just as i was bending down to pick them up i hear

"You meant to do that didnt you" as the ned winked at me, I just laughed and unlocked the door and ran up to my flat.

I havent worn that skirt since.

It all goes wrong

I think it was about a week into living on my own when I found myself standing in ankle deep water in my kitchen. Before that only little things went wrong, like the sink in the kitchen not working, the sink in the toilet not working and the shower had two temperature settings, scolding hot or just plain hot, if you wanted a cold shower it would basically tell you to fuck off and jam the temperature gage, I have now got used to those settings, think my skin has actually got thicker for protection. But anyway back to how my kitchen got flooded.


That day I had decided to treat myself and make a cottage pie so all was going well in the kitchen, I had just put it in the oven and had filled up the sink to do some washing up. A few minutes later I heard water running, but I thought it was my imagination cause I had turned off the tap at the sink, and I turned round and water was pouring out from under the sink cupboard, I think my mind just went blank at this point because I went and opened up the cupboard and all this water came pouring out and the kitchen started filling up, come to think of it, it reminds me of this time when my family and I were in Florida and we were on this train simulation, and my brother was sitting nearest to the window and the train had stopped by these stairs, and we heard water flowing but couldn’t see anything, then all of a sudden I saw water come flying down the stairs, aye not just a little trickle of water, this was something like The Shining with the blood in the hallway, except this was water, and the water was coming towards us, and my brother held up his bag to the window to try and stop it (don’t think he thought that plan through to be honest) and I actually thought I was away too get soaked but it all disappeared under the train. So yeah the kitchen flooding reminded me of that for some reason.

But anyway here I am standing in the kitchen with my socks screaming and dragging out all the towels and putting them onto the floor and I ran and got my trainers and put them on then ran back into the kitchen to try and attach the pipe back to the sink. Thought it was a good time to try out my plumbing skills. I think someone was watching over me at that point because my phone wrang but I was too busy climbing into the cupboard to stop the leak, but I gave up and stood and watched the kitchen fill up. I decided to go listen to the answer machine, and turned out it was the plumber phoning to make an appointment to fix the toilet sink! I felt like dropping to my knees and putting my hands in the air and shouting hallelujah! So I phoned them back and they were at my flat in about ten minutes, I just sat by the window gormless watching all this chaos happen.
After they had gone I remembered about my cottage pie so I carried on with that and when it was ready to put the mash on top of it, my mind was like mush at this point, and I was putting the mash on it but it was sinking to the bottom but I carried on anyway. After it was done it looked like a road accident in a casserole dish, but for some stuuupid reason I thought that maybe if I put cheese on it, it may help. It didn’t. So I gave up and just stirred it all for the hell of it.

I ended up having soup that night.

Wednesday 18 August 2010

First Day of Moving

I think I will always remember this day for the rest of my life, not cause it was me moving out for the first time and going to be living on my own, just cause it was one of those days where i should never have got up out of bed.

My dad had told me the day before he was wanting to leave at 7am so he could beat the rush hour traffic in Aberdeen and so we would be down in Edinburgh for midday. So the next day my alarm went off around half 5 and i jumped up out of bed and got ready, now for those who know me i am not a morning person and if anyone dares speak or touch me i will rip their head off, but this day was an exception, mainly cause i had not really slept the night before so i was basically awake when my alarm went off. I had to set my alarm this early because i have a fish tank in my room full of tropical fish, and i had to transport them from one tank to another one which was suitable for travelling. now silly me thought that this would be easy scooping them out and the first five were no bother....

After 45 minutes of me bent over with my whole arm submerged under the water with my jug and fish net i had only scooped out 7 out of 12 fish. by this time my dad was up and he was ready and tying everything up in the back of the moving fan. 15 minutes later i attempted on scooping out my shark which is about the lenght of my middle finger, but like hell it was going in! the sweat started pouring off me and my back was aching and i eventually managed to trap it in the corner of the tank and scoop it out. As i was scooping it out the shark flicked its fins and imagine this in slow motion, the shark jumped out of the net, went flying past my face and landed at the other side of my room! i screamed and shouted fuck over and over again (i think this is why my mum decided to get up out of bed) and i ran across my room and quickly scooped it up and flung it into the travelling tank. By that time i went and asked my dad if he coulld scoop out the rest, but i just got a mouthfull of abuse at me cause it was almost time to leave and i wasnt ready (thanks to the fish) but in the end he went and did it and i packed up my toiletries and other bits and pieces.

After that my dad had asked me to go to the garage and get some newspaper to stuff down the side of the travelling tank so it didnt move around in the van so i ran outside and next thing i knew i was on the ground covered in mud, stones and my blood. Yep that was the second thing to go wrong, i had tripped over one of my mum's stupid decorative rocks outside and since i was running i went flying across the stones and mud. i got the newspapers and gave them to my dad and he looked up at me and i just started crying so he went from being a moody bastard to the loving dad again and gave me a massive hug and helped me clean myself up, by that time i had past caring so i didnt bother getting changed i just stayed in my muddy clothes and watched my dad get more and more annoyed with trying to lift my fish tank, did i mention it was a 64Litre fish tank? obviously it was empty but it still had a bit of water at the bottom which kept on sloshing around and went all over my dads arms which got him more annoyed, and since it was after 7 he was severely pissed off so i just stood in the hallway and hugged my mum cause i felt sorry for myself, 15 minutes later we were all packed up and i said my goodbyes and jumped into the van and off we went.

Whilst driving to Aberdeen my dad was flooring the van, so i had images of my fish lying dead all over the back of the van by the time we got to Edinburgh. When we got to Aberdeen the traffic was mental! it was unusual cause it wasnt even rush hour yet, turned out the bridge to get out of Aberdeen was closed so we had to find another way out. After an hour and a half we made it out.

It was around 12 or 1 oclock when we made it to Edinburgh and once i signed the lease and read all the paperwork we set off again to the flat.

I think we made a good impression on the locals when we rolled up in our van, mainly because my dad had forgot he was driving a big van so when he pulled up he scraped the car behind and its bumper fell off, so that was the 3rd thing to go wrong, and this was when all the locals were standing outside the pub having a fag so they saw it all! i just grabbed my keys and went up to my flat to check it out.

4th thing to go wrong was that there were no parking spaces outside the flat so we had to park down the road and carry the stuff along and then up 3 flights of stairs, first thing to carry was the fish so i carried the travelling tank and my dad carried the big one, and just as he bent down to pick up the tank his jeans split, now since we were so tired all we could do was laugh!

Carrying all the boxes up the stairs was a mission, i was drenched in sweat and my arms and legs were starting to turn into jelly but we eventually got everything up to the flat and we both collapsed onto the sofa, and there we sat like zombies until we fell asleep.

Introduction

Hi there, before i get started i should probably tell you a bit about myself. My name is Lauren and I recently moved away from home to start uni. People always tell me I should be wrapped up in bubble wrap cause i am very accident prone and something always seems to happen to me wherever i go. Its funny for the people i tell, buuut not so much for me.
So i have been living in Edinburgh for just over a month now and quite a few memorable events have happened to me and it was my mum who suggested i should start writing a blog, and write down all the things that happen to me, personally I just think she wants others to laugh at my misfortune, which i get on a daily basis!
So thats a brief summary about me, now to tell you about my day to day life of living on my own.