It all goes wrong

I think it was about a week into living on my own when I found myself standing in ankle deep water in my kitchen. Before that only little things went wrong, like the sink in the kitchen not working, the sink in the toilet not working and the shower had two temperature settings, scolding hot or just plain hot, if you wanted a cold shower it would basically tell you to fuck off and jam the temperature gage, I have now got used to those settings, think my skin has actually got thicker for protection. But anyway back to how my kitchen got flooded.


That day I had decided to treat myself and make a cottage pie so all was going well in the kitchen, I had just put it in the oven and had filled up the sink to do some washing up. A few minutes later I heard water running, but I thought it was my imagination cause I had turned off the tap at the sink, and I turned round and water was pouring out from under the sink cupboard, I think my mind just went blank at this point because I went and opened up the cupboard and all this water came pouring out and the kitchen started filling up, come to think of it, it reminds me of this time when my family and I were in Florida and we were on this train simulation, and my brother was sitting nearest to the window and the train had stopped by these stairs, and we heard water flowing but couldn’t see anything, then all of a sudden I saw water come flying down the stairs, aye not just a little trickle of water, this was something like The Shining with the blood in the hallway, except this was water, and the water was coming towards us, and my brother held up his bag to the window to try and stop it (don’t think he thought that plan through to be honest) and I actually thought I was away too get soaked but it all disappeared under the train. So yeah the kitchen flooding reminded me of that for some reason.

But anyway here I am standing in the kitchen with my socks screaming and dragging out all the towels and putting them onto the floor and I ran and got my trainers and put them on then ran back into the kitchen to try and attach the pipe back to the sink. Thought it was a good time to try out my plumbing skills. I think someone was watching over me at that point because my phone wrang but I was too busy climbing into the cupboard to stop the leak, but I gave up and stood and watched the kitchen fill up. I decided to go listen to the answer machine, and turned out it was the plumber phoning to make an appointment to fix the toilet sink! I felt like dropping to my knees and putting my hands in the air and shouting hallelujah! So I phoned them back and they were at my flat in about ten minutes, I just sat by the window gormless watching all this chaos happen.
After they had gone I remembered about my cottage pie so I carried on with that and when it was ready to put the mash on top of it, my mind was like mush at this point, and I was putting the mash on it but it was sinking to the bottom but I carried on anyway. After it was done it looked like a road accident in a casserole dish, but for some stuuupid reason I thought that maybe if I put cheese on it, it may help. It didn’t. So I gave up and just stirred it all for the hell of it.

I ended up having soup that night.